Sometimes the best memories are the ones that hurt the most

I went back to school for practice today, in preparation for the upcoming concert.
The things that I observed really upset me a lot, the juniors' attitudes, level of discipline, level of individual skills....
I'm really sad over the fact that young musicians nowadays no longer bother about basics. Honestly, to me, basics is everything. A percussionist is nothing without the basics and will only struggle with difficult songs that require their basics. I don't know about other sections but I know percussion well enough to say basics are really, really very important. Double strokes, roll, paradiddle, or as simple as semiquavers, no one can play it well without practising their most basic set of basics. I've been through 10 years of training to reach a level where I can roll decently, no one knows the hard work and effort I've put in, to train myself, and practise like mad, getting my finger injured, and then finally reaching such level. I'm not naturally talented, I'm not exceptionally pro, and to be honest, I'm not a very good percussionist, but people think I'm better than average is because I work doubly hard, for fear of people judging me as a lousy percussionist, I simply work hard and try to perfect my parts, my skills, my basics, making sure that I make minimal mistakes during combine. This is me, a simple percussionist, who simply works hard and uses her brain when playing music.

I find that young musicians nowadays join CCA because it's compulsory to join, and they play for the sake of playing. The lack of passion from them, makes me lose hope on them at the same time. To me, a musician is nothing without passion. You can't play your instrument well without the passion, and the love for your instrument(s), like how I always feel 'ouch' when people put an instrument on another instrument or use e.g xylophone as a table. I guess tkgssb has really influenced me a lot to treat my instruments well, and to have a certain level of discipline, that's why I feel so much towards this awesome band, a band with discipline and the right attitude (at least during my days there...)

Sometimes, I pity the conductor, or the section leaders, or the chair/vice chair, seniors... I mean, there's a limit to how much they can do, in the very end it's still down to the individual's attitude. It's hard and maybe right to say it's impossible to change one's mindset so easily, it's all down to whether one wants to become a better person or not. One can never improve on their musical abilities without improving on their attitudes first. Just my personal opinion.

Anyway, the conductor gave a long lecturing session during the practice and I really listened to everything he said, though it was seriously long. He's honestly my life mentor, someone full of wise words, someone whom I really respect a lot, someone I look up to, someone I'm grateful for. He shared so many wise thoughts with the orchestra today and I've learnt a lot from him. But I guess, majority of the students just switched off when he started the lecturing? Anyway, he said, it's easy to be a good person, just teach nicely, and you know, just let the students continue living in their lalaland. But it's our responsibility, to be the bad people, to be strict with them, so that they will improve. When I heard it, I honestly felt so much and I wanted to cry. As simple as it may sound, but it meant so much to me, and it was so impactful. True enough, I find it my responsibility to be the bad person, and I never believe that nice leader can succeed far.

What I always tell myself is, don't expect to be the one with the highest popularity in a band/orchestra, don't aim to be the one well loved by your batchmates and juniors, don't try too hard to be nice, just don't. I'm sure many people would disagree with me and my point of view about a nice leader cannot succeed far. Just let it be. I stand by it and will always.

所谓严师出高徒。

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Haven't been on livejournal for a pretty long time. Guess I'll just blog a little while I'm enduring the long train ride to Jurong East!

Just a sudden random thought that I got after seeing someone's fb post saying how tough it is to write the 300words essay.
I think and yes, life is really so unfair. When I included all the positions I've had in secondary school and JC, I didn't feel guilty or whatsoever because I think I've done a lot, as a prefect, as an exco member, as percussion section leader, co vice president etc... But, what about those who didn't deserve those positions but somehow ridiculously got them? They made my achievements seem so...common? I just think it's so unfair to judge one by his/her positions, and their grades. Seriously, I really hate the fact that the society is putting so much attention on one's grades. It really doesn't mean you are a better person even if you're smarter. And it doesn't mean you are a better leader than others even though you have more leadership experience/positions. I've seen people who don't have leadership positions but possess the rare qualities of one. And I find testimonials the most redundant thing ever, since everyone's testimonials are gonna look so good, what's the point? Agree with me that not everyone sounds as good as they are on that piece of paper? This society is really ridiculous, I am, we are living in this ridiculous society, a society full of judgmental people, stupid people.

Enough said.

Anyway, I got a job at mum's workplace (have I mentioned it on lj before?) as logistics executive ALSO KNOWN AS JUST A TEMP STAFF! I don't even know why they made it sound so high class with the word "executive"! It has been pretty tough working here, with all the pressure and stuffs. I'm really not the "typical temp staff" people imagine. All the auntie colleagues are really nice to me and they really take care of me :') especially when my mum is on business trip. They keep saying I look like my mum! Whyyyyyy! I really don't look like her lol! Haha working with mum has been pretty interesting. I called her Irene in the office once LOL!

K end.

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It has been quite long since I last blogged especially now that I have tumblr where I can just post something short and simple. Many things have happened in January, since I last blogged.

7 Jan 2012, 
6 days before my birthday, 
met Sianlin and Dora for breakfast at Long John and then went to TJ to attend the openhouse! Watched the co performance...couple of mistakes but, it's okay. Who doesn't make mistake especially when they're on stage? Anyway, went to CashStudio(?) to sing k with co people! Gekting can seriously sing! And I felt so paiseh singing in front of so many people! I CAN'T SING~ then we headed down to Roxy Square for steamboat cum 团圆饭! And then they sort of surprised me with the birthday cake and JJ's album and the "娘" card haha! Actually I kind of guessed it (I have detective brain! :P) because they kept checking their phones and they were so secretive! Haha but I still appreciate it a lot :) Thank you to all who have made that day so fun :') 

My baby cousin (okay actually he isn't considered a baby anymore he's actually quite huge LOL 5 years old?) came down from Penang and my mother and I entertained him for 2 days! Went to many places like Explorerkid, Wild Wild Wet...oh ya talking about WWW, I really don't like WWW because the floor hurts. But the plus point was that there weren't many people since it was a weekday! Went to Sentosa the next day! Had fun at the Pirates 4D thingy and the Extreme Log Ride! And took the cable car lol! 

Anyway, my mum bought yogurt cake for my birthday! IT'S VERY VERY NICE~ VERY! 

13 January 2012 :') 
Received sweet smses from sweet people that very special day. Oh and of course fb wishes are sweet as well. I found Filzah's fb wish really sweet because she purposely spelt birthday as burstday like what I always do :) 
Played badminton with weiling and mervyn at Pasir Ris Sports Hall that day. It was our first time there and we were super amazed by the badminton hall because it was so new as compared to the Tampines one! And then went back to tjco room while waiting for sianyin and sianlin haha! Met up with Aisyah and Kahmin that night at Bedok Point as well! Haven't seen Aisyah in a long time so...I don't know it felt a little awkward? This is what happens when we don't meet up often! Anw thank you kahmin for the present :))! 

That's all for my birthday. 

Moving on, I've been slacking a lot...I'm really not in a rush to find a job actually...I don't know, seems like everyone else is more concerned of my job than I do. It's actually quite irritating when people ask about my job or when I'm actually going to get one. I understand that they are asking because they care for me, or sort of, but I just don't like it. How to say..... I don't like it when people ask me something that I don't share with because I find it part of my privacy, or I think it isn't the right time to share yet? Get what I mean? 

Actually, I'm really sick of organising stuffs. 
I never fail to get annoyed from planning events. My fault for being so impatient. My fault for getting pissed so easily. But hey, think for me too, will you? I've already planned a lot, and honestly I'm really sick of it, I'm so tired of always being the one who initiates, plans, decides, asks, it's like things cannot be done without me and I don't like it. Why me? Why always me? Why must it be me? Why can't I be the one who receives a sms and simply reply "I'm going"? Why am I always the one? Book the courts, me. Pay money, me. Provide shuttlecocks, me. Meeting time, me. The plan for the day, me. Why always leave me to decide? Why isn't there anyone who can do the same and take over me? Why isn't there a friend whom I can trust to do something well or at least properly for me? I feel like I'm being overused and not being appreciated at all for what I've done. It's like...the most convenient way to have fun is to throw the job to me because somehow something will pop out an event will happen when the task is given to me. The funny thing is, after blogging about this, I'd still organise if I need to, because even though I get irritated all the time, it still feels great and I do feel a sense of accomplishment when the event I planned really happens and that people have fun from it. I mean, afterall, friends are more important than myself getting irritated. Nothing beats meeting up with friends, really. 

Rant rant rant here on my blog is all I can do, and all I will do. That's all. I don't really care who is reading this because I just don't care anymore. I find that having a blog is just to make me feel better through typing and really, that's all. I'm not perfect, and don't expect me to be perfect, I have my down moments too and I need to rant like every normal person. I used to care a lot about who's reading my blog, but I guess...not anymore. I don't really care anymore. I blog what I want to say since it's my blog, and if it hurts you, don't read, if what I blog sounds mean to you, don't read. That simple. I don't see why I have to blog "properly" because so and so are reading it. K i'm outta my mind now. Forever an angsty kid. I don't know what's with me nowadays. 

Everytime when I plan something, I always have this problem of who to sms. If I don't invite so and so, then if they found out I didn't invite, then they emo nemo. COME ON DUDE THERE MUST BE A REASON WHY I DON'T WANT TO INVITE YOU. There are many reasons apart from I DON'T LIKE YOU, like I don't have your number, you aren't so close to my group of people I scared you'll feel awkz, and BECAUSE U FOREVER NEVER REPLY ME SO WHY SHOULD I SMS U EVER AGAIN.

Troublesome creatures.

Really don't want to see some people, but I cannot not invite him/her later he/she emo.

FUCK MY LIFE I CAN'T EVEN CHOOSE WHO I WANNA PLAY WITH.

One problem with me is I tend to think toooooooo much. So I always end up inviting many people, plus that emo nemo incident, further proved that I have no choice but to ask everyone.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
fuck those troublesome creatures.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RANT RANT RANT.

I wanna be Dory. #JUSSSSSSTSAYING

OH ANW,
FUCK THOSE BITCHES WHO ARE DAMN SKINNY BUT KEEP SAYING THEY ARE FAT.

Sorry today pissed off mode ON.

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Sent out individual smses to people who have changed me or made me a better person in 2011. Just a few. Because 1) I'm too lazy 2) I just want to thank those few special ones who have made my life in TJ so much happier.

2011 has been a very amazing year for me.
It felt like I was riding on roller coaster throughout that whole year. There were ups, but there were downs too. The ride is over now, I'm back at the control station(?), everything seems the same, but no, I've changed. The Elaine inside me has changed after this long tiring ride. I feel...older now. More fragile than ever, more...emotional than ever.

Ever since I stepped into this school, much have changed. The coaster ride has been awesome, full of laughers, screamings...tears.

J1 orientation—joined CO—became class rep—CO concert'10—CO comm interview—CO camp—became CO vice president—Student Leadership Congress—Student Leadership Camp—being an ambassador during openhouse'11—J1s joined CO—planned and carried out CO orientation—SYF—CO camp—stepped down—A levels—CO concert'11—outings with CO people—2012.

Looks pretty easy? But really, going through all those above weren't easy. And having been through so much, I'm not surprised by how much I've changed. Everytime when I look back at those major events that have happened, I can't help but to feel really upset.

Vice president of CO. That was a major tuning point for me. From then on, everything has changed. Tell you something, there were more down moments than ups during this vp period. But, I guess it's expected? When I took up this role, I already knew the road would be tricky. I have no idea how many times I've broken down ever since I became vp. I don't know how many pissed off moments I've experienced during this period. But how ironic, I felt really upset on the last day of co camp 2011 because I know...I know I've stepped down. At that point in time, I only knew I couldn't bear to leave this role, I couldn't pull myself out of this role and forget about it. And it took me a long time before I could let it go. Actually, I don't even know if I've managed to let go.

But anyway, a new year has arrived.
No matter how much I miss 2011, it's over now. Life is all about moving on. Only letting go of certain stuffs then can one move on to accept other things.

Move on, Elaine.

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Tjco, the memories I have with this orchestra are so special, so real, so wonderful I don't wish to say goodbye at all.

Scrolled down the tjco fb group all the way and I saw many posts, and got reminded of so many things :'( co shirt design, concert, co camp, and...syf :'( saw many encouraging posts and the number of likes. It really wasn't easy huh? To forget about the result, the moments together, the practices we've had together...to let go of this orchestra? The syf period is indeed something to remember forever. :')

That's the thing about commitment.
Everytime when I get so committed into doing a thing, there comes a point when I have to let go and say goodbye. First it was band, now it's tjco :(
I've said this so many times but I just wanna say it again. Tjco has given me so much, so much so that I'm afraid of saying goodbye. I really don't want to disappear from this orchestra. I still want to be their mama, I still want those friends those juniors, people who have been through so much with me.

我真的很怕，
现在我们一直见面，一直有说有笑，
正在一起制造那么多的回忆，
到了我要离开的那一天，
我会舍不得放手，说再见。

Sometimes I think that I'm the only one who cares so much, about leaving them. Maybe they don't really care much about me leaving. Maybe they don't feel a thing when I say goodbye. Maybe they would be happier. Maybe they will forget me soon. Maybe maybe maybe, all these maybes are killing me. I really wish someone can tell me how much I mean to him/her, tell me where I stand in his/her heart, how important I am as a friend to him/her. I really want to know. If I can choose to have a special ability, I really wish I can read people's minds. I really want to know what they are thinking, and what they think of me. :( will you tell me?

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So true so true so true. This is me.

摩羯座是很容易被感动的星座。表面上，他们爱逞强，私底下，很多摩羯是爱哭鬼，他们是不愿意在人前掉泪而已。所以，当摩羯被人爱护的时候，他们会很感恩(不只是感动哦)，并把这些都默默记在心里，也期望能回报别人。从某种意义上来说，这些感动他们的事物是他们能继续相信人性有光明温暖一面的动力。

【摩羯座：很简单】不喜欢跟别人去争些什么，吵些什么，除非触及底线。【摩羯座：看似坚强】其实在平静的外表下，内心很容易受伤。【摩羯座：会伪装】即使遍体鳞伤，还是固执的假装一副无所谓的样子，脸上依然挂着天真无畏的笑容。

受到欺骗，摩羯什么也不会说出来，却开始怀疑自己的付出是不是值得。但是又那么容易原谅，是真正那种原谅，直到所有伤口一起崩裂。他对你就一下子一点感情也没有了，彻底的冷漠速冻了他的心。他感到屈辱，被利用被愚弄被欺骗了，之后所有的情绪都将不复存在，你们曾经的感情烟消雾散，想起你就觉得厌倦

有时候突然就心情很低落，不想说话也不想动。别人问起，也不知道该怎样回答。也许是因为突然看见的一句话，也许是看见某个物体联想到了什么，也许是从朋友那听来的一件小事，也许什么都不是，很多事情不需要理由，也没有理由。

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Typing a post now at 5.49am because I'm now at chalet and I have nothing to do cause everyone is sleeping hahaha.

Finally, sadly(?) we have come to the third and final day of chalet. It has been a pretty good chalet I supposed? First day was pretty jialat cause everyone was tired from the BBQ-ing and I don't know...that awkward thing because I was the only j2?
Not only that, I even washed the dishes and mopped the floor, like a Maria sia, damn tired. Anw, I seriously felt damn weird among the juniors... And, i wanted to leave chalet the first day around 2,3am lol because I felt a bit...annoyed? But then, 2am leh, how to go home! It got better after that, when we started talking random stuffs in the living room the whole night till 6.30am. Told Sirong and Nicholas about what I went through in sec2 prefects' camp then all the memories started coming back and I felt really upset..I guess I still cannot get over the fact that she left us? then we talked about Chinese orchestra, and band. Got very offended when someone said that all those band discipline stuffs are stupid. I honestly wanted to say shut the fuck up. For one who has never been in band before,he has no right to comment on anything about band. >:( ANYWAY, then we went to watch sunrise! Didn't manage to watch though cause we couldn't see it from where we were. Then juniors went to sleep while I stayed in the living room, and fell asleep with my head on the table. So yup, I only slept around 2hours on the first day, plus I had smses to reply during the two hours, so I didn't get enough sleep lor! But luckily weiling was nice enough to get me breakfast which included COFFEE. #likeashiok seriously! Felt less piao~ and more awake after the coffee!

So there came...the second day!
Went to ehub for lunch, didn't eat because I was still so full from the breakfast! But ordered iced chocolate. EWWWW it's so sweet! then we went cycling~~~~~! Omg more than 2 hours of cycling okay! And someone said we cycled for around 20km? So so so tired~ but nonetheless, really enjoyed the cycling because there was a moment when I purposely cycled very fast and went ahead of others by a distance. Really wanted the alone time, "me-time" you know you know~ not that I was emoing..I just needed that me-time so badly, so I cycled pretty fast just so I could get away from the group (then they kept asking me why I cycled so fast... sigh)? Yes it was freaking tiring to cycle so fast but but, worthwhile. Really love the wind, and the sound of wave :') Beginning was tough because I had to carry my bag as the basket provided was too small ! Grrrrrrr~ my bag so heavy k! With other people's stuffs in it too! Really wanna thank diming and andy for helping me carry my bag during the journey :') if not, I WILL DIE.
Then we went back chalet, weiling diming and I started preparing for dinner: MEE POK DRY. I didn't mind cooking for people, I just thought maybe some people could be a little more appreciative and take more initiative? Glad I had Sirong to help me with the first round of cooking, Boon and Andy to help me with the noodle transferring from the pot to the plate of sauce~ and Sam to help me with the washing of plates. And of course, weiling to help me with the mixing of the seasonings! Without their help, I WILL DIE. But...my arms hurt a lot during the cooking and my shoulders :'((( ouch! Then played mahjong for awhile before playing cards. Oh wait, I didn't play cards because I walked out of the room before we start because...felt a little annoyed by the fact that they always take so long to settle down and start, and I felt like it was kind of like a waste of time? Why is it so difficult to sit down fast, and get started with the game??? And that wasn't the first time already, that's why I felt annoyed. So I just walked out and joined xiaoming in the living room, and watched the show "Men in Black" hahaha quite a funny show! Then xiaoming asked me to go join the other kiddos in the room so I went lor. then I sat down and looked at them play. Same thing again. Cards in their hands, but still took so so so long to get started so I felt annoyed once again, then I walked out of the room again lol, at least I didn't flare up right, I just walked out without saying anything ok. I just don't like it when people cannot do simple things fast, and find it funny to joke about things that, at least to me, aren't funny. Just felt a little annoyed la... I'm not the kind who likes to listen to craptalk. Oh well.........-.-

So here we are, at the last day of chalet. Had a lot of fun though it was tiring and had my pissed off moments~ overall, it was still fun :) right now, I just can't wait to go home and sleep. Have been a Maria for the past two days, really super tired ok! I think I've done more than I expected, I really expected to come chalet to just play and chit chat only. But it's okay because I don't mind helping out, plus I'd feel damn bad if I don't contribute anything! I just hope everyone can enjoy themselves and be happy, that's why I don't mind doing a lot of saikang. But...I just hope...............argh nevermind forget it.

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Yesterday was really a day to remember.
13/12/11, TJCO concert @ Republic Poly.

The night before concert I slept at around 2am kay! Cause I had to chiong finish all the photo frames!! Then I woke up at 7 leh!! Started the day horribly wrong with a worsened index finger, I seriously freaked out when I realized that. Then after much moving of instruments from co room to arts hub, we finally set off to RP! Had many hilarious moments on the bus with the percussionists haha steph and kahsuan lol made me laugh so much!

Overall, concert was a success despite the turnout, at least I enjoyed myself a lot with all the songs :') technology (percussion ensemble piece) was great despite it being imperfect. I really enjoyed playing mambo at the last part when we played it again as encore piece. I've never had so much fun playing the drumset and actually enjoyed performing drumset to the audience.
Then after concert, took a lot of photos using other people's cameras LOL cuz firstly I'm super lazy to upload, and I lazy to take camera outta my bag! HAHA! Then had a lot of fun talking to dora weiling reginald on the way back to school! Damn funny hahahah! Then...more photos were taken in co room heehee! Then I gave some juniors photo frames that I've made! I'm actually very happy they like it! I spent a lot of time doing it ok! Choose photos, crop photos, make photos have different picture effect etc, print out everything, cut, glue, then write letters and paste, then cut out the coloured paper according to the frame size. Spent a lot of hours doing all these! Doing it for one person is still okay, doing it repeatedly for nine people is just o.o so glad I finished the frames and gave them to the juniors! Hope they really like it cuz I really spent a lot of effort doing it. Imagine you do something so tedious, repeat that 8 times, is just.... -.- siannn!

Anyway, I'm really gonna miss many people here. Percussionists of course, plus weiling dora (actually still ok cuz I know we'll be meeting up very often hahaha!) and all those whom I gave photo frames to, and especially sam la cuz I talk to her more often than I talk to other juniors, oh besides qingkang la same section! Gonna miss Sam Gekting Sirong Sitong Diming Jingjie Qingkang Nicholas Boonyang so much :'( And still got haoyang haha can't stand him he's so funny hahaha!! they all made my co life so much so much more interesting :'( and I never fail to feel so happy around them!

很谢谢他们，让我在华乐团的道路上，走得那么精彩。

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Created weibo to stalk celebrities LOL HAHAHA! And I can "tweet" whatever I feel like cause none of my friends know my weibo account! YAY! Anyway, saw these on weibo and I was like :') ....so true so true! I love all the Capricorn tweets on twitter and weibo :')

没有人能真正了解摩羯座，
即使摩羯座自己也没真正了解自己。
摩羯座脆弱的可怕，经不起任何打击
在人面前可以装作是快乐的，
可离开人群，便会原型毕露。
在朋友面前，摩羯永远是快乐的，没有眼泪，这就是摩羯伪装的面具。
摩羯座宁愿自己一个人默默承受，
也不愿告诉别人心痛的理由。

摩羯座嘴上说的都那么潇洒，
却终究敌不过自己内心的脆弱。
像孩子一样缺乏安全感，偶尔会哭的撕心裂肺，
无法向别人（尤其是自己很亲的人）表达自己内心的惶恐不安，
偶尔会因为一点小事而开心的没心没肺，渴望与所有人分享简单的快乐。
摩羯们把阳光给了大家，却把悲伤留给了自己。

And then I suddenly thought of this
“其实我们常常会忽略了身边，对自己来说，很微不足道的事情，直到失去了，才发现它曾存在过。我们每天都在过着忙忙碌碌的生活，我想大家都跟我一样，都好想有一天，有那么安宁的一天，能将时间放慢来用。”

Hahaha sudden inspiration~
Pro is me *proud* LOLLLL

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Was preparing to sleep just now but I don't know why suddenly got reminded of all the co moments :') I suddenly remember the day when Huang Sheng came down to TJ to talk to us after SYF, and he said many many things. And I was sitting down there, listening to him, while trying to control my tears. Then he asked Zhenwei to go up and talk, and there I was, still trying my best not to let the tears flow out. Then when zhenwei and huang sheng asked me to go up, SIAO LIAO, I cried, simply couldn't control my tears anymore. I can't remember what I said because I was so nervous and trying to hold back my tears. But I remember the co suddenly shouted something like "mama we love you"? Oh gosh then I turned around, squatted down and cried lol very unglam but I couldn't find elsewhere to hide. And the most touching moment was when I was busy crying, Huang Sheng talked to the orchestra about me. And I remember he said something like "it hadn't been easy for Elaine to come to chinese orchestra, knowing that she was from band back in secondary school" in mandarin, and seriously, I cried even worse. I always tell myself, it's okay I don't get the recognition from people, so long as I am proud of myself and what I've accomplished. But, to hear that recognition from my conductor, just means too much to me.

And really, to even be called "Mama" is already a recognition I get from the kiddos, and deep down, there's always this sense of accomplishment whenever I hear someone call me Mama. Maybe to them, they are used to calling me that, so it kind of maybe sound insignificant to them. But to me, every single time someone calls me Mama, it warms my heart, really.

I have to say, I've come a long way, and I ought to give myself a pat on my back. There are many areas where I didn't do well, but I think I've done way more than I thought I could handle. Honestly, I'm proud of myself. To be able to go through all these, and still survive, really requires a strong heart. And to fall down and stand up again, countless times, requires a stronger heart. No doubt my heart is stronger than before, albeit it is still considerably weak.

I'm glad. I'm really glad I joined co. And I feel really lucky to have this bunch of co mates and juniors.
They changed my life, they made me a better person, they helped me to grow up and mature, they brought joy to my life, they added colours to my colourless world, they are all I could ever ask for in my two years here. I don't know if they see this post, I don't know if I have the chance to say this to them face to face, but really, I want to thank them.

谢谢你们，千言万语无法表达我对你们的万分感激。我不会表达自己，我只会说“谢谢你”。谢谢你，谢谢你们，为我人生路途中的插曲，划下一个完美的句点。

如果说，我的人生是由很多的歌曲拼凑在一起的，那么，那一首与你们在一起的点点滴滴的歌，是我人生中，听过最好听的一首歌。

若真的有那么一首歌，
它的歌名会是“另一个家”。

:')

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Haha went back to visit co juniors and Huang Sheng today! Haha shuqing was damn omg I couldn't even follow them sia! Got lost here and there! Gekting damn cute came to get her bag and said hi to us hahaha she so cute! And stupid Diming forever so annoying with his nonsense one! And Sirong came to sit beside me on co room sofa hahaha why are juniors so cute!!!!!!! They are the reason why I should go back! ^^ I feel so fortunate to have this batch of juniors hahaha so cute! can't wait to have co prac man! Heehee!

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对于自己的未来，
其实我没有想那么多。
现在考试快过去了，
另一个人生快要开始了。
会担心，会害怕，
不晓得前面的路会不会更难走。
说真的，
我看不见自己的未来。
至少现在的我，还看不见。
心里的忐忑，内心的不安，
让我快喘不过气来了。
不喜欢长大，只想要一直当一个小孩子。

长大，好累。
:'(

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